IN GOD WE TRUST
I was never the little girl that dreamed of my Prince Charming or fantasized about the perfect wedding dress, it was actually quite the opposite. I dreamt of adventures, getting lost, sports and well…food. I had a very simple mind as a child. I thought like, well a child. However, being a woman it was only a matter of time before I would get bullied out of my brother’s clothes and into society’s portrayal of a “woman”. I became consumed and blinded by comparison and thoughts of negative self-worth. It wasn’t until I whole heartedly gave my life to Christ that I understood the significance self-worth plays into my relationships. Naively I thought my self-worth or lack thereof was a problem for me and for me alone -that is until I met Austin. Through our friendship and throughout our relationship I learned 3 fundamental lessons in pursuing a Catholic relationship – know your self-worth, build your relationship on a solid foundation, and understand what it means to discern a Christian relationship.
Know Your Worth
For those of you that don’t know me, I am a little competitive. So from my “glory days” of playing volleyball and now to my jam-packed days of coaching, I am obsessed with all things competitive- especially mental toughness. What I didn’t realize at the time was the effect that mental toughness training was having not only on my life as an athlete but in my relationships too.
“My success comes from who I am not what I do,” a phrase I wrote out for 90 days as I completed a training manual with my team. Unlike society’s portrayal of “success”, this phrase is composed to rewire your mind to know that you are a gift from God and that is a success! It isn’t about the job you have, the clothes you wear, the infamous “thigh gap”, it is about your inner self. Self-worth is not found in things of this world but in the hands of the maker.
“Acknowledging weakness is the greatest form of strength” – WHAT?! Given my competitive nature this idea about made me fall out of my chair! However, if you look throughout the bible it is constantly reassuring us of God’s grace is enough. One of my favorite verses, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. I will boast in my weakness, hardships, persecutions and constraints for when I am weak, He is strong.” His grace makes it so all of our mistakes, imperfections, and weaknesses serve a purpose instead of shame. As Saint John Paul II so beautifully states, “You are not the sum of your weaknesses and failures, you are a sum of the Father’s love for us.”
Through embracing weaknesses, knowing your worth comes from who you are and NOT what you do, you can begin to prepare your heart for a relationship. I like to think of Mother Theresa and how she talked about filling yourself so you can outpour onto others. We shouldn’t rely on a partner to fill us (but accept the fact that they probably will!) Life does not begin the day you give a man permission to change your last name but the day you give Jesus permission to change your heart!
Build Your Relationship on a Solid Foundation
“Everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock.” (Matthew 7:24-25). Often times we build our relationships on sand, filled with things of this world, temptations, and so on that the longer we pursue the relationship, the farther we steer from God. First, we must place our relationship with God as the number one priority. We are in college, things in our life are anything but consistent! Friends will fail you, family can disappoint you, and your professors don’t know everything, but anchoring yourself in Christ is something I promise you is consistent. If we are not building a foundation on Christ our hearts will be distracted in self-doubt and temptations.
In addition to knowing your worth prior to entering into a relationship, you should build a relationship with God on rocks. I am sure many of you have heard this but the saying “dance with God and he will let the perfect man cut in” is overwhelmingly true! Also, trust in God’s timing. This is something my inner control freak struggles with on a daily basis. Knowing that everything is made perfect in His time is one of the most beautiful and peaceful realizations – but it is also one of the hardest. We are human so we are planners, doers, organizers but I just imagine God looking down laughing because as much as we plan and hope, God might have a completely different and more beautiful plan for us. I remember when I first met Austin my freshman year of high school, I was not in a good place spiritually or emotionally and the idea of a relationship was something I was avoiding at all costs. God sat him next to me in my first class at a new High School and well, so far so good! He allowed a random guy in my science class to pull me back to Him, to give my heart to Christ and root in a solid foundation. Austin was the brother in Christ that I needed most, he was my brother and best friend first. He didn’t try to pursue a relationship with me instead he simply wanted to help me carry my cross, I don’t know about you but that’s the kind of man I want to marry. Through learning this I realized the importance of anchoring myself in truth therefor allowing our relationship to be built on rock.
Understand Your Call
I hate Cosmopolitan Magazine. It fills young girl’s minds with false ideas of relationships and what love is “supposed” to be like. They tell you that the key to making a man fall in love with you is to do things like-play mind games, blow him off, wear soft materials (what are we teddy bears!?), make them jealous, wear tight clothes (noticing a trend here?), and give him everything or he will leave. I don’t know about you but their definition sounds like a lot of pressure on women. A Christian relationship is not defined by the clothes you wear or the kind of mind games you play it is rooted in something much deeper and much more beautiful. One of the most beautiful definitions of a relationship I have ever heard was “The woman came out of a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but form the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.” Sorry Cosmo, this sounds like a much better definition of what a relationship is supposed to be!
Often times I think we get caught up in gender roles. I have heard so often “the man’s role is to lead the woman to the cross.” Yes, that is absolutely true, but in my opinion it is not just one person’s “role” but instead both equally. I have been dating my fiancé (whoa still so weird to say!) for over 7 years and I can say with confidence there has never been a time in our 7 years of dating when both of us were on the same page with our faith. I like to think of a car, we are both accountable to not let the other put their car in park or neutral, instead we BOTH have to be moving towards the foot of the cross at all times. However, there are times where he is flying at about 120 mph and I am slow and steady making my way there and vice versa. In my eyes, the only thing that matters is we are both moving in the same direction. Also, unlike how Cosmo wants to define it, a relationship is a partnership. We are first brothers and sisters in Christ so it is our primary responsibility to help our brothers or sisters carry their crosses. JPII says so beautifully “In the cross lies love’s victory.” Marriage is a partnership, we help carry each other’s crosses, and it is as beautiful and simple as that.
Finally, pray for your future spouse – but don’t let society allow you to obsess about them. Instead of dreaming of your fairy tale wedding and prince charming pray for your marriage. They NEED your prayers, each prayer is an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to transform them and yourself little by little into the people that God created you to be. If you live abundantly, consumed by God’s love, he will reward both of you!
Jenn Pritchard is a Senior at Colorado State University. In her free time she enjoys all of the basic things in life – Jesus, pumpkin spiced latte’s and watching the leaves fall. She coaches a local high school volleyball team and favorite motivational quote to tell her girls is “Don’t tell me that the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.”