What does it mean to be fully alive?

We all long for it. We all yearn to break past the masks, to skip the chit-chat, to find the purpose, and to have others know and love our hearts. But how do we get there? Especially in the craze and stress of college. What does being ‘fully alive’ even look like?

Imagine a bouncing, little, 3-year-old girl. Eyes bright, feet exploring everywhere, mind wheeling with curiosity and excitement, emotions raw…she doesn’t know what this whole “living” thing is yet, but she’s doing something full speed ahead. In many ways, this little toddler is very much ‘fully alive.’

So what can we as college students learn from toddlers? They don’t have the same demands, the same responsibilities, the same options for how to spend their time…and acting like a toddler probably wouldn’t go over so well on campus.

I am most definitely not suggesting that to be ‘fully alive’ we must revert back to our 3-year-old selves. Personally, I think that the potty training, temper tantrums, and in my case biting people when I didn’t get my way, are best left in the past. What I am saying, is that while we lost a lot of necessary things such as these in the journey of growing up, we also, as a vast majority, seem to have lost what it means to really live.

There are two main notions at the core of the freedom of a child, like this one. It is these cores that I am suggesting we seek to draw back into our own lives, no matter how old we are. These cores of a child are:

1) The dependency on and complete trust in the love and care of their parents.

2) A lack of the mind-consuming focus of constantly worrying about what others are thinking of them at all times.

Rewinding three years in the life of this toddler, we can see the first-core’s initial beginning. At birth, the child left the safety of her mother’s womb and entered into an entirely unknown world. Uncertain of every sound, smell and touch, and unable to care for herself on her own, she relied 100% completely on her parents. As she grew, it was this care that she depended heavily on and which allowed her to explore the world and find answers to her 100’s of questions. As a toddler, she did not worry about being fed when she was hungry, or who to run to when she was hurt or scared, or what would happen the next day. She was free to live, depending entirely on her parents’ love and guidance and care.

Imagine if we were to trust God, our Father, in this same way. To run to Him when our worlds fall apart. To share with him the little moments that make us smile, and the dreams in the depth of our hearts. To entrust the unknown (and in college there is certainly plenty of that) to Him who Created us, and longs to be known by us. To live our lives knowing that so much of this life is beyond our control, and it is in the surrendering of our desire for that control, that we come to realize just how much we focus on this desire. In surrendering, we find this new freedom to live and a new capacity to focus not on our worries, but on our blessings. Then we can live as a toddler does, focusing on the beauty and meaning of this life, while leaving the rest to Dad.

The second underlying notion to many toddlers’ freedom is that they lack the need to constantly seek the approval of others. Toddlers will splash in puddles, ask 100’s of questions, learn how to make new sounds and show them off at the most inopportune moments, say anything that pops into their minds unaware that it may be offensive, stare right into someone’s eyes unashamedly for minutes at a time….etc.

Once again, I’m not saying to start doing all of these things in your own life (that could get weird), but underlying all of these things is a sense of security in who they are that is completely independent of the opinions of others or the fear of appearing to have failed in some way. This is the second key to their freedom to fully live.

So often we are afraid to act, afraid to live, because we are afraid of the opinions of others (even if we don’t recognize this as the source of our hesitation at first).

Maybe that fear means you walk into a room and spend the whole time wondering how your clothes or hair look or what others are thinking of you. Or maybe it means you hold back saying something because you think that others will think it’s not valuable and will make you feel stupid (I mean that’s why so many of us won’t ask questions in class right?). Or maybe that fear keeps you from trying something new because you might fail and embarrass yourself. Whatever it is, we all have these moments.

All of these things are NOT living. They are suffocating!

And it comes down to the fact that we have placed our self-worth in the affirmations and critiques of those around us. But we don’t have to live this way. We can choose where we place our self-worth. A priest here at St. John XXIII once told me something that changed my whole view of this struggle. He told me that in moments of weakness, to pray this:

Lord, help me to never think less of myself, but of myself less.

When we do this, we place our self-worth in the hands of our Creator who made us for a reason and loves us as we are. We then can stop focusing on ourselves, and instead on those around us. We can be more present, more free, more courageous; no longer seeking affirmation, but giving it, because it was given to us first.

So as we begin this new school year, I invite you to keep this image of a toddler in your mind. Invite Christ into your life, get to know Him and let Him get to know you. Develop that relationship with Him so that you can truly trust Him with your heart and with your life. Then you will begin to be able to depend on Him as a child does his or her parents. And seek affirmation in His adoring eyes alone, not in the eyes of the world. Let Him erase your insecurities and calm your fears.

Now you can begin to live ‘fully alive.’

May today there be peace within. 

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.
― Teresa of Ávila

Kaylin Koslosky is finishing up her final year at Colorado State University, where she is pursuing her love for science and secondary education. She is a member of Chi Omega, a FOCUS student missionary, and a Biblestudy and retreat leader for RamCatholic. She loves hiking and being outdoors, and is passionate about sharing the beauty of Christ and this world with others. She is currently working to publish her first book with her best friend Megan Finegan as a way of spreading a much-needed message of love to her female peers.

She also blogs for: http://chastityproject.com/blog/